Summary[]
Alfie is shocked by Kat's revelation and while she drinks champagne, he completes an assault course around Walford.
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Alfie and Kat can't restrain their intimate sensations for each other. They grapple to get up the stairs as their arms settle a firm grip around one another. Arriving in the bedroom, Alfie realises that he hasn't got any condoms. Kat suggests they spend the night talking instead, but the impending awkward atmosphere from this suggestion sends Alfie out on the hunt for some condoms. He's gutted when he finds that both the condom vending machines in the Vic and Angie's Den are out of order and empty. Alfie spots a couple in Bridge Street who are amid passion, He spooks the man when he interrupts them in mid-kiss and takes him away to ask him for a favour - to give him a condom. The man introduces himself as Duane and reveals that he's unable to gift him with what he wishes considering he and his girlfriend have been waiting over three months for their night of blissfulness. Alfie is forced to take drastic action and proceed into the streets of London while Kat awaits back at the pub in bed with a bottle of champagne in hand. Alfie comes across an all-night service station and awaits impatiently in the building queue. Upon arriving at the blunt cashier, his quest contents another barrier when the woman informs him that no condoms are on display and she's unable to leave the shop to go to the stockroom. His second attempt to obtain a condom awakes, and the next stop is a local convenience store. He's relieved when he sees the condoms are on display at the counter. However, different difficulty sentences when two criminals enter the shop with guns and demand the shop-keeper to deliver them cash. Alfie is desolated when they also take the condoms, and his third effort is put on a clutch when he's required to give evidence to the police. The third attempt is at a pharmacy which Alfie spots in the distance. As he races across the road, he doesn't see a car approaching and is knocked down. As Alfie gradually rouses everything enhances a blur as a woman and man stand over him beseeching for a response. They command that he is taken to the hospital to be checked over, but Alfie is adamant that he's okay. Alfie encounters a group of youths hovering around a bus stop. He advocates with them to sell him a condom and ends up paying £40!. Everything appears to be now going sleekly as he initiates to return to Walford but gains yet another step back when he's battered and mugged, and the condom is fastened to the back of his body already blown afloat. Kat resides waiting patiently and kills time by going through Alfie's pornographic magazines and his family photo album. Meanwhile, Alfie's sought refuge in Saint George's Church and becomes pally with a man named Nobby. The two recollect about courtship until Nobby awards him a condom and desires he returns to Kat. As he's rushing back home near the canal, he notices that a hole as appeared in his pocket with the condom in and sees the condom drifting in the water. He commences to retrieve it by using a stick and using a branch as a guardian, but the branch snaps and Alfie drops in. Bruised, abused and soaking wet, Alfie walks the streets deserted and blue and accidentally kicks a can into a police car which leads to him being conveyed to the police station for questioning. Alfie is cleared and finds a mournful Duane who tells him that nothing eventually happened with his girlfriend when she ended up changing her mind. Duane gives him his condom only for him to return to the Vic to find Kat fast asleep. He turns the lamp off and nestles up with her. |
Credits[]
Main cast[]
Guest cast[]
- Nobby - Antony Booth
- Duane - Dean Antoney
- Uday - Imran Ali
- Robber - Patrick Cody
- Cashier - Kim Barry
- Man - Sidney Kean
- P.C. - Andrew Frame
- Vera - Julia West
- Lad 1 - Kieram Mitchell
- Lad 2 - Nick Strank
- Yob - John Joseph
Locations[]
- Albert Square
- The Queen Victoria - Public, hallway, upstairs flat and gents
- Bridge Street
- Laura's
- Turpin Road
- Angie's Den - Club and gents
- George Street
- Victoria Square
- Walford Police Station - Interrogation room and corridor
- Wilstead Road
- Saint George's Church - Narthex and canteen
- Unknown retail park
- Unknown convenience store
- Unknown gas station
- Several unknown streets and alleyways
Notes[]
- One of the robbers who raid the shop and the woman who helps Alfie after he gets run over are both uncredited despite having dialogue.
- Viewing Figures: First UK broadcast - 11,090,000 viewers (6th place).
- For its 2025 upload to BBC iPlayer as "Classic EastEnders", this episode was entitled Alfie's Caper.
Dialogue[]
ALFIE MOON: I've been used, abused, robbed and run over, and they call it safe sex.
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