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Synopsis

In the hotel room, Cindy stops kissing Ian and says it doesn't feel right. However, she lets wishful thinking get in the way of her intuition in this instance and continues to listen to Ian telling her how he still loves her. Then, as it's now 1 o'clock, Ian says they belong together, and is she coming to bed then? Cindy says no, and Ian tells her to leave then, as he's getting bored. She's stunned and doesn't believe it, so Ian says if she's not going to do the only thing she was any good at she might as well leave, as he was only killing time anyway. He adds that he hasn't had so much fun in ages and how does it feel to be deceived like that? She realises it's about the children, and asks what he's going to do with them, in a panic. She runs out and drives off to the childminders, making a call from her mobile, but the phone's engaged. As Ian's making a quick getaway to the airport with all his luggage, his lawyer turns up and insists on a lengthy meeting to sign all the papers for the court case. The hotel manager sees the conversation and interrupts saying Ian has a phone call and then tells him he has got a cab outside and he understood that Ian was in a hurry, so he'll tell the lawyer Ian was called away on business. Phil and Grant wait outside the villa and just as they decide they'll have to go in anyhow, as it's already past one o'clock, the man leaves and they introduce themselves as the baby's step grandfather, etc. They say that they're here to collect the children, and the baby-sitter offers to make them sandwiches, as the children obviously recognise them and are pleased to see them. She goes indoors to make sandwiches, and Phil says to Grant it doesn't seem right to take them, as they seem so happy. Grant says they've got a couple of minutes at most, so they have to do it now or not at all. They take them, and drive off at speed as Cindy drives up, and the minder comes out to find them gone. Cindy goes straight to the police. However, they don't see her hurry when she says that the children were taken by a grandparent, and that there is no law against grandparents taking kids out for the day. She says her husband has got them to do it and will probably be taking them back to England. They ask if she's divorced and she says no. They ask if she has custody of the children, and she lies and says yes. The police ask for documentary evidence of this, as they cannot stop her husband without good cause. She finally realises that she isn't getting anywhere with the police and drives off to the airport after the police tell her the next flight to England is at 2:25pm. Meanwhile, Phil is map reading and Grant is driving. Phil hasn't a clue where they are and Grant comes to a crossroads. They drive around hopelessly, and finally stop to let one of the kids go to the toilet, and Grant says at least even if the police have roadblocked all the main routes to the airport, we're definitely not on any of them. Phil says that they'll be getting close soon so they'll be able to see the planes and can follow them. Grant says "What, in our helicopter?" Phil says "No, but the general direction." Grant replies "I can't believe we're actually related." They stop in a tiny village square and ask one of the locals, who obviously all speak no English, where the airport is. Grant does his best plane impersonation, which is not good. Finally the man hold up ten fingers, so Grant deduces it's only ten minutes away. He rushes to leave, and backs into a truck, which has just pulled up behind him. There, a huge commotion, and the driver, who is about 5 foot nothing, shouts and gesticulates at Grant. Grant laughs and tells him there's no point shouting at him because he doesn't understand a word he's saying. Meanwhile Phil tries to find a crowbar substitute to bend the bumper back out of the way of the tyre so their car can move. He tells Grant not to fight with the man or they'll be in even more trouble, so Grant backs off, and the man becomes more aggressive as it is clear Grant is not threatening him. The little old man finally bops Grant on the nose, which Grant hardly notices, but all the watching Italians cheer. Grant almost gets cross and tells Phil to hurry up because he's being attacked by a Munchkin. Phil tells him to just hang on a minute, and Grant circles while the Munchkin tries to punch him again. As the watching Italians are cheering on their local hero, Grant says to Phil can't I just give him a little slap? Eventually, Phil is just about ready and Grant goes over to get in the car to find two policemen behind him. They tell Phil and Grant to wait while they sort out the driver, and eventually, they get fed up and Grant suggests that they should "pay for the damage". They get out wads of lira and Phil hands over a few handfuls to the Munchkin, while Grant offers it to the policemen. Everyone's happy and they drive off at speed. Meanwhile, at the airport, the flight is boarding and Ian and Ros are told that they can't check in the others, as the flight is closing. It's looking bleak but Ros says they will just have to assume that they'll not get on the flight right until it's leaving, and Ian panics about the police coming and says they'll be crawling all over the airport by the next flight. Ros says he just has to keep the flight held for as long as possible, and Ian asks how he's going to do that. Ros suggests he keep talking to the check-in desk, and be as difficult, pig-headed and stubborn as he can, "in other words, do what you're best at." Ian insists on seeing the airline manager and tells her to do whatever it takes to hold the plane. She refuses and asks if he'd like them to take his luggage off now. He's about to agree when Phil and Grant turn up and dump the hire car outside the terminal and rush in. They all rush to board the plane as Cindy drives up and also sumps her car right outside the entrance. They have all gone through passport control by the time she gets there, and she is refused entry as she has no passport. They get on the plane and she runs to the viewing lounge just in time to see one of her kids, who's being carried and looking over Phil's shoulder, disappear into the plane. He waves at her as she screams and has a little tantrum in the lounge asking the general public to help her as she wails that they've taken her children.

Credits

Main cast

  • Paul Bradley as Nigel
  • Jacqueline Leonard as Lorraine
  • Adam Woodyatt as Ian
  • Nadia Sawalha as Annie
  • Gillian Taylforth as Kathy
  • Pam St. Clement as Pat
  • Tony Caunter as Roy
  • Steve McFadden as Phil
  • Ross Kemp as Grant
  • Martine McCutheon as Tiffany
  • Barbara Windsor as Peggy
  • Paul Nicholls as Joe
  • Daniela Denby-Ashe as Sarah
  • Melanie Clark Pullen as Mary
  • Roberta Taylor as Irene
  • Sid Owen as Ricky
  • Richard Elis as Huw
  • Desune Coleman as Lenny
  • Shaun Williamson as Barry
  • Gemma Bissix as Clare
  • Karen Henthorn as Julie Haye
  • Ava Healy as Melanie Thomas
  • Jason Pethers as Peter Michaels
  • Ron Webster as Returning Officer
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